title: Just a piece of advice [solving a leader’s dilemma]
pairing/characters: Leeteuk-centered, TeukChul, ELFs, ninja^^
subject: Friendship, angst
word count: 1,272
summary: Out of all the person in the world, you’ll never expect whom to give you the best advice.
A/N: forgive my emoness.. forgive me for reminding you.. but this is a GDA related fic cause I need my closure~~
There was this small hope, a small flame that burns inside the knowing leader, yet he knows it won’t happen. He fears one thing: disappointment… We can’t have everything.. He knows that too well yet he still expected for a miracle. But in the end.. well I guess he thought it isn’t that bad to hope for a miracle.
And as the winner was announced and it wasn’t the name he was expecting, he felt the need to cry.. along with thousands who did, he cried. Yes he cried and speculations started to spread. He was happy for his saengs, but deep down he knew he wanted to be the one up there and talking.. spilling tears of love and gratitude for the ELFs who supported him and his members. He knew too well that they are extremely hurt, disappointed and sorry. Yet he can’t find in him to smile and say that it’s ok for he knew every ELF knew his wish.. this one wish that motivated them so much and exhausted all efforts to fulfill yet they can’t give to him: not because they failed… just that it wasn’t for him.. maybe it wasn’t his time..
And so tears spilled and endless sorry’s muttered. Mianhe. He heard them shout at the top of their lungs while tears stained their sad faces. He wanted to spread his wings and blew those tears away yet he can’t for he can’t even stop his own tears from falling. He looked at his brave saeng, the one he considered as the second umma of the group, used his hand phone to express how he felt.. Yes his dear saeng standing up and comforting his Ryeosomnias.. all the ELFs.. but everyone knew this isn’t enough.
Let’s tweet.. let’s express how we feel.. let’s comfort them..
Everyone wanted to make it all better.. cheer up the very soul that pushes them to work together.. they wanted their dear and precious ELFs happy and loved. Both parties exchanged sorry and thank you.. how gratifying. Well it wasn’t enough. He tweeted yes.. but is it his real feelings?
With a bottle of beer at one hand and his phone on the other, He thinks of calling someone tonight.
“may I join you?”
He looks through red eyes and saw the saeng whom he recently had gotten close to and nodded.
Heechul sat beside him and opened a beer bottle and sipped a little.
“painful isn’t it?”
Being 9 days apart may have had some kind of string that attached both of their destinies.
“we already knew it won’t happen.. but why did we even expect?”
Heechul mutters after another sip of the cold bitter drink.
“I just didn’t want to disappoint them.. my angels.. your petals.. the gengfans, Yesung’s clouds, kangin’s raccoons, Shinsfriends, Minnie’s mings, Hyuk’s jewels, Hae’s fishies, Siwonnests, Ryeosomnias, bummie’s snowwest, and Kyu’s gamers.”
Heechul laughs at the leader’s response.
“you could just say ELFS why go to the hassle of enumerating them.”
“each are important Heechul…”
“then why didn’t you add in Henry’s Strings and Mimi’s honeys?”
Leeteuk smiled and looked at the bottle of beer.
“well I guess I wasn’t good enough.. I feel that I lack as a leader.. I disappointed everyone.”
Heechul places the bottle of beer on the table with some force; Leeteuk turned his head and looked at the younger.
“We can’t have everything Jungsu!”
“I know.. but I hoped for a miracle.. just this once.. before..”
“you follow and join him.. if you had the courage to do so you won’t be even crying your eyes out the night before and just joined him then and there..”
Heechul and his bratty-ness.
“What I’m just saying.. you’re too emotional Jungsu!”
The leader smiled at the saeng.
“It’s my second nature to be one..”
Heechul sighs and took a deep breath. Leeteuk hears Heechul’s voice piercing through the silent room.
Don’t cry out loud
Learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And If you should fall..
Remember you almost had it all..
Leeteuk smiled wider and hugged the saeng.
“you never really liked singing Heechul..”
“so?!?! What if I sing once in a while.. I worked my ass off to improve!”
“and I am grateful that you did.”
The two laughs shortly before silence dawned on both of them. Leeteuk grabs the bottle and emptied the contents.
“I wondered why Kangin likes this so much.. such bitter drink..”
Heechul smiles and emptied his bottle.
“Hangeng never wanted me to drink~”
“he has every reason to do so! You’re a bitch when you’re drunk.”
They both laughed hard and Heechul smiled at the leader.
“you do know we did our best… and ELFs did their best too..”
“I’m not blaming them.. just to clear things out.. they don’t need to be sorry.. I should be the one apologizing.”
Heechul pointed his finger on Leeteuk’s temple and poked him gently.
“just a piece of advice Jungsu.. I didn’t sing that song for no apparent reason.. learn to read between the lines.”
Heechul smiled and left the table. Leeteuk stood up and stares at the pale moon that hangs in the dark night sky and he smiled.
He knows they did their best.. he knows all ELFs did their best.. He knows it wasn’t enough but then again no one is to blame..
Don’t cry out loud… learn how to hide your feelings…
Maybe he didn’t need to be emotional, maybe he need not to be the one doing the crying… he doesn’t need to show how weak he is.. how lame he thinks he is.. how unworthy to be called a leader, he must be the strong one.. Conceal every pain inside and show them his smile, the precious smile that ELFS long to see every time.. As ELFS say, when he smiles, the world smiles with him: He smiled wider.
Fly high and proud
Soar high.. spread your wings angel Teuk! He thinks to himself.. he must be the one leading them to great heights.. he is the leader.. he can’t be the one crumbling into pieces at the time like this. Confidence, the one thing Ryeowook has little of and looked up to the leader to compensate..
"what you did Wookie shows how much confidence you exudes.. I should be the one learning from you.."
Leeteuk mutters as he recalls Ryeowook’s brave action.
And if you should fall.. remember we almost made it all
Although he didn’t won.. they didn’t won.. did they give up? Did they do their best to fight a formidable foe in a losing battle?
No we didn’t give up… Yes, Leeteuk.. we all did our very best.
Leeteuk smiles and looks at the awards they brought home.. 2. Not a bad thing; although it wasn’t everything, it was still something.
What is SUJU to ELFs? What is ELFs to SUJU? Aren’t we one and united in one goal? Aren’t we a family more than a fandom? Aren’t we inseparable?
He thinks of all the disappointed ELFs and his dear saengs who are really heartbroken, he thinks of all the heartache and broken wallets.. He thinks of every sea of pearl sapphire blue.. They were there reaching the summit of success, everyone hand in hand.. but alas, someone had already outpaced them… And he smiles to cover such pain in his weak heart.
“Heechul.. I’ll properly thank you one of these days..”
Leeteuk walks back to his room, lied on his bed and closed his tired eyes. Finally it was all clear.. He didn’t have to carry the burden alone.. He need not to be depressed by such a failure moment.. They had gone through a lot already.. What matters most is that they all worked hard to reach this far. Fly high Angel Teuk.. You will always have your ELFS as your wind beneath your wings.
Maybe he desired so much for a miracle… maybe he wished so much for this to happen.. but at the end of the day, Leeteuk knew he only did such things for he love his ELFs and saengs.. and Heechul is quite right.. he need not to shed tears that often.. he shouldn’t be afraid to dream high, they were nearly there anyway.. And never forget how far they’ve come as Super Junior with all the love ELFs had given them.. they may have not gotten the award, but in ELFS’ eyes they are always no. 1.