Title: Deep inside this armor…
Pairing: HeeTeuk/TeukChul and Hanchul
Genre: angst, friendship
Rating: PG – 13
Summary: Heechul was always viewed as a strong bitchy person, but who really knows who Heechul is? Let Leeteuk tell you who Kim Heechul is!
Warning: includes hangeng’s contract, GDA and SS3 incident
A/N: THIS IS LEETEUK’S POINT OF VIEW! So imagine Leeteuk telling the story^^
So although I am much more used to Hangeng.. I will Hankyung here^^
>> Remember my GDA fic where Heechul comforted Teukie? Now it’s Teukie’s turn to comfort the Cinderella.
How do we view Kim Heechul? The bitchy princess? The obsessed fanboy? The cross dresser? The idol with a bad temper? The gorgeous Cinderella? The Twitter king?
These are just a few of what we think Heechul is but do we know who he really is?
Maybe we are judgmental enough to see only what we want to see.. and closes our eyes to those we want to neglect. And this is why I wanted to reveal who Kim HeeChul is to the eyes of a knowing leader and friend.
Kim Heechul is a true friend. Though he may delete phone numbers when you don’t reply to his messages, he treasures every friend dearly. He doesn’t trust anyone that easily, but when he does, he gives his whole heart to them. Take HanKyung as an example.
When HanKyung first arrived in Korea, he was clueless of the language and of the culture and Heechul was the first one to be his friend. HanKyung was someone Heechul wanted to protect, and though he may have thought HanKyung some cuss words.. it was just for fun and play..
“Hankyung.. A friend among a few I can truly call a friend.”
Heechul treasures him so much that he is willing to cross the lines to protect him. As we all know HanChul is a royal pair, as the Chinese prince and the princess Cinderella pair, and this is not for show. In the dorm, Heechul has favoritism; he is just kind to three persons: Kibum, Donghae and HanKyung.
‘Everybody always says that I’m biased on Hankyung, Kibum and Donghae, that I always take better care of them, but actually it’s not like that…’
Yeah.. he may have said that, but in reality he is really biased to these three.. but more especially to HanKyung. You see, no one drinks with Heechul but Hankyung. And if you watch them from the distance, you’ll notice an air of silence between them, but the thing is… you’ll feel that somehow even without speaking a word, they understand each other. This is Hanchul, a real OTP I must say.
When Heechul was lonely, he turns to HanKyung. And when Hankyung was lonely, he turns to Heechul. They are friends.. and brothers. Heechul may tend to get jealous sometimes because Siwon became very close to Hangeng and they both belonged to SJ-M, he even commented:
‘Is it because Siwon’s Chinese is better? I have also taught you lots of swear words..’
Oh the princess and his temper, but deep inside he is just jealous of SiHan, He only wants Hanchul.
Their friendship is inevitable.. and so when news of Hankyung’s contract termination broke, he was the first to call hankyung to confirm it.. he was the first to cry and he was the last to accept. Super Junior won’t be the same without Hankyung.. without Hanchul.. but Super Junior will always consider Hankyung as family..
And so Heechul feel into a depression no one was brave enough to cure. No one knew what to do and he became pale and thin. Heechul couldn’t eat and we were afraid of what might happen to him. We all know how hard it is to lose Hankyung, but we didn’t know how hard it is for Heechul who had lived his life confiding to his best friend and brother Hankyung. They were inseparable.. And now that this has come.. we saw for the first time who Heechul really is.. Behind the façade and the smile.. Deep inside the strong armor he wore is this fragile child.. Kim Heechul.
He was strong because he has his best friend beside him.. He was brave because he knows Hankyung will be there for him.. But now that he is gone, Heechul was as fragile as glass.. As weak as paper.. As cold as winter.
We tried to help him and Eunhyuk’s words for his hyung might have been one of Heechul’s much needed comfort. You see Kim Heechul is a charm for Super Junior.. for he is a true star and he is a genuine idol. And now Heechul may have moved on.. but deep in his heart, Hankyung remains and will forever occupy a space that no one can replace.
He is a saeng.. no more of a chingu. Being only 9 days older, we do tend to be me, 2 opposing characters. I am not a perfect leader, and Heechul.. he reminds me that it’s ok to have imperfections. When he mentions my name.. no not Leeteuk.. but Jungsoo.. my precious name.. he says it with so much endearment, my sentimental eyes would want to shed tears all of the sudden.
Heechul is precious to me and he is a true brother. When we shared a room back then, we may have had difficult times understanding each other, but then again.. when we were in difficult situations, he was the first to comfort me.
I recall during the GDA when we had a long chat and a sip of soju. Yes.. he never liked drinking with others but Hankyung but that night, he feels that I needed someone to talk to that he was willing to break this rule. He was sincere when he comforted me.. he was strong when he wanted to make me feel secure. And I thought to myself, how can he hold such strong faith and optimism? How can he carry such strong armor when he is fragile as a kid?
I smiled and thanked him for his compassion, he replied with his genuine smile, the one he shares when he performs.. The one everyone sees when Heechul is on stage with the rest of super junior. Then he muttered.
“Don’t forget to smile Jungsoo! Coz when you do the whole world smiles with you!”
I will never forget his words that come from the heart… Heechul may have a sharp tongue, but when it comes to friends.. He always has heartfelt comments.
Since then I’ve always thought of doing something to thank him, how to return the favor. And up till that day, I was clueless.
When he got hit by a signboard, it did not only hurt him physically but emotionally. As I’ve said, Heechul is a fragile kid, if you take away his armor. And when he got hit, he felt deeply hurt for 2 reasons: 1. Is he that much of a bad person to be hurt? And 2 why does it have to be a Hanchul board?
He has been known for his pretty face and a scar is a reminder that will mark him forever. Maybe in time it’ll fade and he’ll regain that flawless face, but the one in his heart won’t fade.
Seeing him cry on the hospital bed and confiding how much it hurts, made me realize how much love and protection Heechul needs more than anyone in Super Junior. You see.. Though they are our seangs, Heechul was more fragile than them.. And each and every member would agree. Heechul only talked to me.. And he showered all his pent up emotions and insecurities. He mentioned how scared he now was to perform.. How frightening.. And it’s the first time I saw fear in his eyes. When we stepped into Taiwan for the 3 day SS3, I feel his hand tremble as I hold them steadfastly. I didn’t know what to say or do to make him feel safe and secured so I just smiled, the one he always admired.
And he tried his best to perform.. But we all feel that he wasn’t ready.. We never forced him. And what surprised me is his little way of saying thank you: A real and genuine hug from a friend. Kim Heechul publicly hugged me on SS3 Taiwan. I was surprised but touched nonetheless. And when he whispered Thank You, I couldn’t help but smile and cry.. HE has a heart of a true chingu, care of a true brother, and smile of a true person.
This is the Kim Heechul that I know.. Behind the mask is a true person with a great heart and compassion for others. Kim Heechul-ah.. Saranghae.. Angel Teuk will always love you.